farewell, toddler biting

Today I got terminated from a job I ruled at by a lady I’ve met once because I have a legitimate sleeping problem, which, I was in the process of repairing with the help of doctors.  Fun. 

 

I have been subjected to the same flagrant abuse of power before, though I will admit, last time I was much more sad.  I LOVED my airline job, so when the new manager decided to overlook the fact that my zone had 0 (that’s ZERO, which is less than one) delay due to the ramp I was, hurt, frankly.  This time around I was just annoyed.  I never felt a real connection or sense of comradarie with my manager, and wasn’t surprised that HR just pulled an arbitrary policy termination on me.  I did bond with a couple of coworkers, but I don’t make friends at work, not typically.  

 

And besides, now’s my chance to actually go earn what I deserve.  I needed a more family friendly income to support the bun-in-the-oven process and I can already smell one ripe opportunity.  

 

I just hope my mom doesn’t read this blog.  She only loves me when I’m employed.  Between jobs I’m just the son that dropped out of highscool and hates organized religion.

not that i lied

it’s just that it tears me apart every time i think about it.

to know that it’s being remembered/told that way.  to know that there is nothing i can do short of a general upheaval that nobody but me would benefit from.  to know that my identity is distorted, my name slandered and character called to question.  to think they could go on operating as though this was an acceptable result.  i am saddened beyond description.  there is no peace from this.  it is like a cancer that won’t progress or relapse.  it just sits there feeding off of its own creation threatening to spread but you can’t ignore it or fight it.

drown it?  sure.  smoke it away?  works day-to-day.  but in between escapes it is always there dragging me down.  ruining what could have been a good day.  tainting what could be a fine evening.  bringing hostility and confusion to situations that never warranted it.

i have no recourse.

i’m happy to announce, C02 has been canceled

Who needs the stuff anyway?

This is yet another fun thing I have been able to say because of my job.  C02 is a code for a training we offer, and the training was canceled, but it’s much more fun to leave out the context when having these conversations and state the blunt facts such as “I need CPR” or “C02 has been canceled.”  If only it was that easy.  Heightened C02 problems?  Cancel it!  And wouldn’t over-the-phone CPR just be too convenient!

Suffice to say, I am having some down time at work.  Which is rare these days, and thought I should put words on this blog.

what the doctor didn’t mention

You know, it’s really too bad that pot can’t be prescribed for sleep problems.  I’m sure it would be cheaper than street price, and it seems to be the perfect cure for my insomnia.  I quit drinking finally, and the not drinking is honestly so easy it’s laughable, but bedtime is still a challenge.  Now, for a measly (I kid) $50 per week or so, I can fall asleep like a little stoned baby and wake up feeling rested though slightly disconnected.  Not ideal, but it beats watching the clock change for eight hours before climbing out of bed to go to work.  It also beats drinking 10-12 beers or half a box of wine every night to knock myself out.

Hopefully this transition will lead to a drug-free bed time ritual, but in the meantime the green stuff is working just fine.

student loans, god bless ‘em

I am sitting here enjoying $99 worth of my student loans in the form of some professional grade Sennheiser headphones and… hot damn it sounds good to be in school.  

 

Not to mention the other goodies.  Only problem with really nice headphones is that sometimes they show you things you didn’t want to hear.  For example, put on your favorite 80’s pop track and gasp at hearing gates and compressors switching on and off.  It can be painful.  

 

So far, in my academic career my student loans have afforded me: a new computer capable of recording music and playing 3D games, a laptop(RIP), roughly $600 worth of wine (that;s a modest estimate), a wicked external hard drive, an $800 88-key fully weighted Yamaha YPG-635 keyboard, a new pencil mic, a Lexicon Lambda, teh headphones on my head, a few car payments, rugs, candles, loads of books and ass loads of DVDs, some of which I no longer own thanks to a spawn of satan I once knew.

 

When it comes time to repay them I will be landing a career that will be easily able to handle it.  Of course, A. could be published by then, so no worries either way.  

 

All I really want of life is the chance to be creative.  Thanks to student loans, my chances are increasing.

how i neglect thee

Well, since starting school again and re-launching DPS to great success I have not really been posting here. Also, work is way to busy as of late to sneak off for any amount of time and blog. So, to the readers who had come to checking in daily, I not so much as apologize, as shrug apologetically. However, I have some updates on the more boring side of my life. I realize nobody wants to read about peaceful, happy cohabitation. One would much rather read about putting holes in doors and getting drunk to the point of calling your girlfriend an asshole for no reason whatsoever. Unfortunately, I have no shenanigans to report.

This weekend we spent $900 on the apartment. The purchases consisted of deluxe spatulas, a new DVD player for the living room so we could have the crappy one in the bedroom (we only watch TV on DVD). A vacuum, which is very small and cute, and A. looks adorable using it. A new printer that will come in handy for school since proof reading is MUCH easier on paper. Deluxe cooking oils for various dishes and uses, rounded out the spice rack, stuffed the pantry and refrigerator with food. We also got a bunch of candles, rugs, and some clothing items. It now feels like a real home here.

Then, when we got home we rearranged the apartment so that the biggest bedroom is now a combination art/recording studio. We moved our sleeping dilemma into the smaller bedroom and it’s super cozy. So, everything is fucking splendid. Now I’m off to buy more q-tips.

Ciao

9/11 musings

Today on dailypoetrysurprise.wordpress.com the submission are related to the attack of 9/11 2001.  Head over and contribute your own.

i shouldn’t be showing you this…

But I just can’t help it.

Puppy: what did you get?

8:54 PM me: the same

and a bunch f snacky foods

8:55 PM Puppy: oh yay! What kinds?

me: SURPRISES!

8:56 PM Puppy: ok

sweetie pie

19 more minutes till I’m FREE!

me: WEEEEE

too bad that when you’re free you’ll still be smelly and annoying!

8:57 PM Puppy:

whimper

me: awwwww

I didn’t mean it puppy

Puppy: growl

me: you can snuggle on the couch all you want

and I’ll scratch your belly

Puppy: ARF! ARF! ARF!

8:58 PM me: because you are such a good and loving little snuggle puppy

and I love having you around

9:01 PM Puppy:

tail wag

9:02 PM me: your puppy chat devices melt my giant bear heart

Puppy: aww, really?

I was afraid they were lame

me: not at all

cuz I can see them all, the tail wag, I can hear the ARF, the Growl, whimper

yeah

Puppy: awww

good

9:03 PM me: it’s all frightenningly real to me

I have bear devices too. I just use them more in person than chat. I have the stomp. The waver back-and-forth holding out my paws maneuver which means “I want” about whatever I am looking at at the time. I have the “show my size” as in, those assholes better stop talking in the movie theater or I’ll show my size. Also, there is the ultimate sign of affection that is never to be used but when it is truly meant, “the paw” which consists of gently yet firmly placing a half-fist on the shoulder or near the heart. This is something that should only be done to the person you are to marry, and sparingly even then. There are other bear devices, but I’ll spare you for now.

out of alcohol? Sell the laptop!

Today I pawned my laptop. I bought it when I started college two years ago and it served me faithfully. However, since then I’ve become an alcoholic and, as frugal as possible, spend roughly $250 a month on beer/wine. Combine that with pack-a-day smoking and you have a very expensive team of vices. So what’s the deal? Why not dry out?

I hate being sober at night. It’s just that simple. The drinking is easy to abstain from. I can enjoy a nice cup of tea as readily as any liquor. The problem comes after sun set when it’s time to consider bedding down. I cannot handle the idea of just laying in bed hoping for sleep, because I know it will not come. I will not go gentle into that dark night. Therefore, boozing myself to sleep, while expensive and unhealthy, is the best I can do to relinquish my hold on the current day and accept that I am going to let it slip away from me.

I wonder often about what it would take to accept the insomnia and force myself into natural sleep.

A child. I think it would take having a child.

ode to a pauper true

in another life I could appreciate whatever it is you need

in another mindframe I could look the other way

as you covet my family, I am not moved

as you scorn my ability, I am not moved

as you outfit and paint face, I am merely off-put

as you stand near my hearth I am merely guarded

for what is mine is unquestioned, but regard have you none

forked tongue peeks out behind bleached teeth

as you smile, intentions masked, yet obvious

a wretch pure and true, of all things beautiful:

a pauper through and through