Archive for July 18th, 2008

18
Jul
08

Biting / Potty

I get to say this with a straight face at my job.  I also hear, in the most nonchalant manner, things such as:

“I’d like the class on Toddler Biting.”  “I’m interested in Toilet Learning.”  “I need First Aid and CPR.”

The latter having the least initial comic impact, but yielding the most variety.  Having someone call and tell you they need CPR is funny, for sure, but when they call to inform you they’d like like it, well that is much funnier.  I like to imagine that the client had been sitting at home trying to picture receiving CPR and then deciding to call someone to announce that, “you know, I’d like that.”

Of course I won’t disclose where it is I work or what I do exactly, but suffice to say I am a young man in a middle aged woman’s world.  It has its advantages and set backs.  Possibly more on that later, as for now I simply wanted to immortalize the phrase Biting Potty.

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18
Jul
08

3.2 Is No Trifle

Woke up around 5am this morning on the floor, with my pillow neatly in place.

What I remember:

-Feeling “dumpy” right before bed

-Originally laying down ON the bed, to sleep.

-A. passing out, possibly as an avoidance tactic towards the silliness that had ensued.

What I don’t remember:

-what it was all about or when it started

You see, we have a tendency to sit out on the three season porch late into the night, most often accompanied by a less than moderate quantity of alcohol. On rare occasion the alcohol consumption carries us away from serenity in its current. Too drunk to swim against it we end up drifting grumpily towards the bedroom where both of us hope to be saved by sleep. Sometimes the misunderstanding is cleared up before the pass out, or a mutual agreement to forget it and take off our clothing is reached, but in circumstances like last night we just wake up the next morning wondering why I slept on the floor.

Most people, upon learning that A. and I actually prefer an evening with the Midwest’s good old 3.2%-alcohol-by-volume-beer-flavored-drink, tend to smirk. Under the assumption that 3.2 is too weak to get one drunk they have sat with us and proceeded to overindulge, thereby discovering the glory of an evening of steady intake. You start off feeling the vaguest of buzzes, and then slowly, comfortably even, slide into happy drunkenness. The potential for drama starts at the bottom of the slide. For, if you are greedy and fail to recognize that, although you are not drunk enough to lie down and go to sleep you WILL be in about an hour whether or not you consume anymore, you will surely sulk-possibly about nothing. It’s a creeper.

Many talks of “drying up” have been had, and it’s largely due to evenings such as last night. Adult working professionals should not be conducting themselves in such a manner, and I can tell you, my day job is no place for a hangover. Therefore, here today is born: my Drunk Blog.




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