in the aftermath

Nearly a week has passed since the indiscretion. Some of the best conversations I had never expected to have have been had (god bless ‘helping verbs’). A. was hurt, make no mistake, but the incredible thing about her is her astute sense of reason. While dealing with the fact that a line had been crossed that nobody wanted to refer to as cheating, we discussed the options for our relationship.

1. I am relegated to companion status. Meaning that I stick around performing the typical domestic role I currently play but have no expectation of romance.

2. We have an “open” relationship. We stay under the same roof, maintain our sleeping arrangement, but are free to explore the whims of others.

3. Split.

4. Find a true understanding.

Now, I am sure we can all agree that in a case where two people genuinely love each other and desire a mutually exclusive emotional relationship that option 4 is the clear winner. However, option 4 doesn’t even come into the running until the first three have been considered. This is because when someone has been hurt by way of an ‘accident’ they still have the right to their full range of emotion, including the impulse to punish. So it is that option 1 would serve to punish me via denying a comfort level I had grown used to and reminding me at every turn that the closeness I desire is missing because I had sex with my girlfriend’s friend.

Option 2 is a clear disaster. For those of you still too tired this morning I will explain, for those of you who have already had enough coffee, skip to the next paragraph. See, the matter of fact is that the only reason, really, that a night of drunken naughtiness went sour, is that two people who needed permission, or to be commissioned, were under neither grace. A. could have very well commanded that line be crossed too, but she didn’t, that’s the point. To ‘open’ the relationship as a means of dealing with a feeling of… betrayal? … would be a betrayal, because committing the offending offense is clearly out of line with the principal behind the offense. Certain is this to be a death stamp on the relationship.

Option 3 would be more reasonable, but WHOLLY LESS CONVENIENT *cough* than options 1 or 2. Splitting is much healthier than punishment for, or adoption of, the offending action. It says, “that hurt, and I love you, but I’m not sure that I love you enough to forgive such a thing” and that is a very reasonable thing to say. Of course, this would be the option that hurt my feelings the most, but would hurt us as people less. So it had to be considered, and after ruling out the first three options, we were really only left with one:

Forgiveness and understanding.  That, or the fact that she told her mother makes it even.  Who wants to go to christmas with that hanging over them.


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August 2008
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