out of alcohol? Sell the laptop!

Today I pawned my laptop. I bought it when I started college two years ago and it served me faithfully. However, since then I’ve become an alcoholic and, as frugal as possible, spend roughly $250 a month on beer/wine. Combine that with pack-a-day smoking and you have a very expensive team of vices. So what’s the deal? Why not dry out?

I hate being sober at night. It’s just that simple. The drinking is easy to abstain from. I can enjoy a nice cup of tea as readily as any liquor. The problem comes after sun set when it’s time to consider bedding down. I cannot handle the idea of just laying in bed hoping for sleep, because I know it will not come. I will not go gentle into that dark night. Therefore, boozing myself to sleep, while expensive and unhealthy, is the best I can do to relinquish my hold on the current day and accept that I am going to let it slip away from me.

I wonder often about what it would take to accept the insomnia and force myself into natural sleep.

A child. I think it would take having a child.


2 Responses to “out of alcohol? Sell the laptop!”

  1. September 10, 2008 at 7:01 am

    Nice writing style. Looking forward to reading more from you.

    Chris Moran

  2. 2 Sheila Joyce Gibbs
    September 10, 2008 at 8:17 am

    Dear Imnotme: You’re NOT ALONE !!!……..I’ll share with you as much as I can fit in here, okay? Please read & PLEASE contact me for any reason at all !!!
    I’m a recovering alcoholic now for 16+ mos. I drank for 30 yrs, starting in my late teens, in my first job, to fit in & be accepted, then shortly after that, my first marriage, was a mistake, so I used Alcohol to calm my nerves once I went home at night. Only problem is, that in the morning, the idiot you married, is still there………. Then after 10 yrs of that misery, I got out, only to marry the 2nd WORSE idiot, and once again, good old Alcohol was my Best-Friend ! After 15 yrs I finally got out of that, mostly because I was hit severely with permanent Alcohol caused Grand-Mal Seizures. It is a form of Epliepsy, and has NO cure !
    So my health is destroyed completely, and I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to spread this word around, only to find out that there are MANY others in this position, only too ashamed to speak about it. Also there are many who have completely ROTTED Livers, almost completely BLIND, almost completely DEAF, as well as many with these Seizures like myself.
    AND ALL FROM DRINKING………None of these people are criminals or living on the street, they were all just like me, hard working, healthy, well educated, never drunk or this stupid binging, just drank with friends, family, work mates etc etc.
    SO……..PLEASE don’t drink, or if you must, just drink maybe once a month & only Wine !
    I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, even my worst enemy !!!!
    Take Care & God Bless………………….

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