Posts Tagged ‘immaturity


i will knock a motherfucker out

A. is a goddess walking amongst mere mortals.  As so, she leaves drooling, smitten idiots panting in her heat waves wherever she goes.   Now, I understand that i am quite lucky to have her love and devotion bestowed upon me, and do not question it, but seriously, I like to punch things.  Lately I find myself relishing the idea of a nice fist fight.  I remember the days in jr. High when assholes twice my size were rescued from me by their friends.  It’s all in your head you arrogant sack of entrails.

So, what I’m saying is:

I’m lucky.  A.’s a beautiful (in all respects) person.  Some people behave disrespectfully about it.  I like to punch.

You call it territorial, I call it knocking out annoying motherfuckers.



Apparently it is unwise to stay up until 3am drinking wine and playing Risk when you need to get up at 7am that same morning. The reason it’s unwise is twofold.

Firstly, getting drunk doubles your chances of setting your alarm to PM by not going all the way through the numbers so that the proper dot is lit next to the display. I’m sure this happens to all of us. Second, depending on the volume of wine ingested, 3am may not be far enough away from 7am to sober up, increasing your odds of sleeping through your alarm, shutting your alarm off and going back to bed, or getting a DWI on your way into work. This morning, on top of the lingering buzz and the panic of realizing I was late, I was asked to do some stunt driving. Someone was either moving in or out of a neighboring residence, and as I park in the back off the alley, their truck was blocking my exit.

“Got enough room to get out?” called the male driver.

“Yeah, I think so” I lied, up to the challenge.

I managed to back out between a telephone pole and the nose of his truck with mere centimeters on either side, whipped backwards into the neighbors spot, and went on my way, noting the look of respect on the man’s face. As I drove off I thanked something or other for letting me through that without incident. They were in a rental truck, so there would have been a claim no matter how minor the damage.

Anyhow, I think this particular late arrival just avoided radar detection. I won’t know for days. What I do know, is that I really need to safeguard myself against oversleeping, because let’s face it, oversleeping is annoying for everyone.

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June 2019
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