We’re all selfish. That’s the bottom line.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

The Gospel According to imnotme

In the beginning, there was innumerable zero. Each zero, though readily indistinct from the next, contained within it only two things: polar and anti-polar. They could be described as each chasing the tail of the other, so that if a perceiver perceived, it may look like a physical zero we now know and employ. String theorists and metaphysicists describe this state as: a brane/D-brane, sunyata, unity, nirvana, etc.. Anyhow, these individual zeros had locked within them this state of constant aggression, or what Mao Tse-Tung refers to as “necessary contradiction.” Mao means here that the contradiction of the first is necessary for the contradiction of the other. The only way this can be true is if, indeed, they are simultaneously chasing, pushing and pulling eachother. Primal attraction. Relatively controlled chaos. Polar- “YOU: OPPOSITE… COME HERE!”
Anti-polar- “Noooooooooooo!”

Over time, of course, these zeros began to feel differences with neighboring zeros. Maybe one of them, in the nuances of all the push, pull and chase, felt somehow dis-unified from unity. Multiply that phenomena a few billion times and the zeros have started to develop distinctions. Some of them felt they were pulling towards a new point on a ‘y’ axis. Maybe others felt a charge when pushing towards the ‘x’ axis. Either way, and regardless, they developed borders, so that the landscape of zeros might look like a connect four game blown out to infinity. Clearly, all zeros, in their zeroNESS, remained loathe but to stay in direct contact with their neighbor, however (and this would be the rub, as it were), there were little seedlings of 1 sprouting up on top and below them(sprouts and roots) so that they-some innumerable time later- were obfuscated by two new dimensions of growing 1’s. The synergy created in the atmosphere of one quickly led to two(and the mathematical birth of the 3rd dimension). From there three, and four and five. And while these beautifications of 1 were reaching their peaks, other organizations were forming. Some combinations of 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 were organizing unpredictably throughout all axis and dimensions, and before you knew it, one of them moved(the accidental birth of modes!). It moved away from all else on it’s very own! Fast forward: it happens again. In the sea of organisms, new collections of groupings and primordial beings were growing ever more sophisticated, and they climbed out of the sea onto the land, where they could continue to become ever reborn, surviving the youngest mind in the universe as long as it could. And that is all that has happened since. We are simply trying to survive our minds as long as we possibly can, by carrying them through the world of forms, in hopes of new vibrancy and secrets of longer life.

Jiftus Rhithalixe

Hi reader.  You are wondering what that title means.   It’s complicated.

On the one hand, there is no ready explanation of the phrase, because it is jibberish.  However, something very important is happening right now in our world that may only be summed up as such; and therefore befitting such a name.  Jiftus Rithalixe could possibly express the notion that a nation’s most accurate news reporting is coming from the comedy “sector,” or it could refer to the silly idea of having national level debates about religion.  Why stop there?  It could also refer to the fact that right now it is easier to make money as a swindler than a legitimate entity.  Don’t believe me?  Go to any freelancing site that caters to writers and tell me what the number one job out there is.

Know what, I’ll spare you the trouble.  After weeks of desperately searching for writing jobs I can tell you the hands-down number one: re-writing copyrighted articles ala human thesaurus until the article passes the test of plagiarism software algorithms.  Writers are shitting out hundred of thousands of “rewritten” articles every day for the sole purpose of linking websurfers back to their shitty product (think knock-off herbal remedies and potentially harmful dieting schemes).  They call this Search Engine Maximization.

On one hand, great, someone found a way to create reliable internet search using scales of relevance.  That’s a novel and good idea in its inception, but I should inform you that this method being adopted by the internet community at large is not only criminal, but largely developed by people who knew they could sell ten tons of crap placebocuticals to nimrods slapping their mice all over the global commerce control buttons; wontonly ordering BOXES OF THEIR OWN MENTAL WASTE.

While some of the linked examples are simply funny, the others speak a horrible truth about our culture.  For example, did you see the one about the person who just sold “antenna balls” online and made f’ing millions?  What people don’t know is that there is an entire digital mechanism driving this e-commerce (as business people like to think of it) that is hell bent on getting your Doritos scarfing ass to fork over your small amounts of money until you have mountains of garbage to add to the already terrible garbage problem we HAVE NOT ADEQUATELY ADDRESSED!

Jiftus Rhithalixe.

today i die

i am leaving.  Whoops!  I’m back.  Shit, that was fast.  Did I already write this?

this is confusing.  there’s no joy to be had in time.  we must run from it.  if we adapt our bodies to night/day, light/dark chaos it could possibly save the species.  we must adapt our enjoyments or risk losing enjoyment as a motivator.  human creativity is suffocating itself to death, we must fight soon.  time is a motherfucker not to be trifled with, but, how did it get this power?  i smell an oppressor.  i’ll be first and zealous in the slaying of the defenders of time.   defenders of quantity and measurement.  they are the evilest, vilest and most sinister lot, those, while they undo our creative instinct, molding it with time.

fight this bullshit oppressor however you can.  write fiction on office time.  have everyone on your block get night jobs and have bar b-ques after work at 7am.  get a tivo.  sell your tivo.  make your own bread.  spazz out about nothing in the most loving way you can and then hide in the bathroom.  find peace in rejecting zen.  make samyama on the mundane.

Most important, give yourself a chance.

blogging – cancer link confirmed

In a report never published due to legal blockades erected by wordpress.org, 80% of cancer patients who were known bloggers recovered when taken off-line.  These findings were then analyzed and confirmed by the firm Hobbler, Kejabs and Rice who also noted that the patients who did not recover may have been doomed by their “mental blogging,” indicating that even the drive to blog could be potentially fatal. 

Dr. Ayun Furl of the University of Minnesota’s analytical chemistry department, who was involved with the study, says the evidence is scientific and wholly trustworthy. 

“It was perhaps the most objective and thorough study conducted in the history of science.”  He stated in an interview late this July.  “400 bloggers of various genres and levels of readership who had developed brain tumors were kept in an isolated community, no computers allowed.  We let them read as much classic literature and non-fiction as they cared, but they were not allowed to journal or compose any string of words in first person.”

The suppressed report clearly details what appears to be a rapid and full recovery, in some cases only two weeks after the ability to blog had been taken away.  Friends and relatives of the bloggers who were unaware of the cancer or the program indicated that they noticed other positive changes in their loved ones, such as improved discussion habits, decreased pickyness, and a sharp decline in whining.

back to school

Don’t read this if you’re not a voyeur, it’s going to be very uninteresting and journal-ish.  I may just be documenting this for my own decompression’s sake.

Mondays are going to be very tough for the next 13 weeks.  I learned that today.  I (should) get up at 6:45, work until 2:30, go to classes from 3-8:30, and then brave the bus or take the not-so-scenic 40 minute walk home.  I chose walking.  Now I am finally relaxed in my ‘fort’ with a glass of wine and some herbal platitude feeling the desire to write but not necessarily have to think about it.  I figured imnotme was the place to do just that.

So, this semester I am taking Intro To Writing Fiction and Asian Philosophy.  Both conceptual walks in the park, though I have been additionally blessed by two extroardinarily competent instructors who are also both gifted facilitators and lectors.  This, of course, translates into more challenging work, and more challenging work.  Not what I had hoped from the course titles.  I figured I could doodle my way to a 4.0 for the term.

Oh well.  A. and I have been living in the aforementioned ‘fort’, which is our office turned snuggle-pen via streaming netflix movies on my computer aimed at the bed that was not always in the middle of our office.  It’s a cramped, but cozy place.  So cozy we even watched 2 seasons of Family Ties.  And liked it.  This is also the only room in our ginormous apartment that has air-conditioning, which neither of us are huge proponents of, though it’s aided the desperate-crack-addict appetite we’ve had for fits of snuggling and various other pillow-and-blanket oriented tasks.

Getting high does improve both my writing, and my reading.  I’m sure of it.  Hehe.

I’m going to abandoned this now and go let my friend in the house.

oh these modern days

I have never lived in any time period but this one; remarkable, I know, but I have studied other time periods a lot and I have come to a conclusion.  That is, I have realized that we are not any further from the food chain per se but have created a new predator that even we cannot control: industry.

Think about it.  How many people died in the making of the Panama Canal?  Lots.  Lots and lots.  A staggering number when you consider it was just a project and not a war.  27,500 estimated deaths in the name of easier shipping!  Nowadays OSHA tries to ensure that dangerous work is either eliminated or at least regulated and compensated, but cancer is on the rise too.  Cancer is not a disease, it is a desperate attempt of the body to move biologically destructive particles introduced to your bloodstream into one location.  When this storage effort has exhausted itself you die from the flood of contaminated cells that spill out into your body and clog in your vital organs.

Cancer and the birth of technology are most likely bedfellows.

Even my own death, should it be at an old age and after having lived a “full life” or raised a healthy family will be too early when you consider that humans in developed nations lead a mockery of a life.  We (nearly) voluntarily sell our selves into slavery to the industries that promise to increase our ability to consume.  Why?

Thoreau said it beautifully when he stated in Economy: “Beware of all enterprises that require new clothing.”

Yeah, I think about that in my quest for a new job.  I applied to a position within my company that requires fancier dress than I am now accustomed.  It is so absolutely arbitrary.  It’s as if to say that, because this job is more highly compensated, you must display this fact so that when others see you, they will not associate your position in the company with that of a lesser-compensated coworker.

Why?  I challenge anyone to come up with a reason that cannot be easily thrown out.

not that i lied

it’s just that it tears me apart every time i think about it.

to know that it’s being remembered/told that way.  to know that there is nothing i can do short of a general upheaval that nobody but me would benefit from.  to know that my identity is distorted, my name slandered and character called to question.  to think they could go on operating as though this was an acceptable result.  i am saddened beyond description.  there is no peace from this.  it is like a cancer that won’t progress or relapse.  it just sits there feeding off of its own creation threatening to spread but you can’t ignore it or fight it.

drown it?  sure.  smoke it away?  works day-to-day.  but in between escapes it is always there dragging me down.  ruining what could have been a good day.  tainting what could be a fine evening.  bringing hostility and confusion to situations that never warranted it.

i have no recourse.

what they must think of us

Postal workers, that is. They know more about us than we give them credit for. The discreet packing on that box of embarrassment you ordered. They know. Do they chuckle as they deliver that obvious overdraft notice, or feel pity? Or do they filter their response to account for the residence? Maybe they only chuckle when it’s a yuppie’s house. I’d like to give them the benefit of the doubt in that regard.

Sure there are some virtuous postal delivery folks who probably find ease in keeping a personal credo of just putting it all out of their minds. Everyone’s got dirt, no need to judge. Others still who simply don’t care. It’s a job, and they aren’t interested in your small chunk of humanity as much as the cancer diagnosis delivered to their brother or sister that week. And as they deliver they might worry about what kind of terrible news they themselves are delivering. This letter from an attorney… divorce papers? A frivolant lawsuit?

But then they also see your nude magazine subscriptions, membership letters and newsletters to cults and subculture organizations…

Rain, sleet, or snow, they will see what it is you don’t generally want anyone one else to.