We’re all selfish. That’s the bottom line.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Jiftus Rhithalixe

Hi reader.  You are wondering what that title means.   It’s complicated.

On the one hand, there is no ready explanation of the phrase, because it is jibberish.  However, something very important is happening right now in our world that may only be summed up as such; and therefore befitting such a name.  Jiftus Rithalixe could possibly express the notion that a nation’s most accurate news reporting is coming from the comedy “sector,” or it could refer to the silly idea of having national level debates about religion.  Why stop there?  It could also refer to the fact that right now it is easier to make money as a swindler than a legitimate entity.  Don’t believe me?  Go to any freelancing site that caters to writers and tell me what the number one job out there is.

Know what, I’ll spare you the trouble.  After weeks of desperately searching for writing jobs I can tell you the hands-down number one: re-writing copyrighted articles ala human thesaurus until the article passes the test of plagiarism software algorithms.  Writers are shitting out hundred of thousands of “rewritten” articles every day for the sole purpose of linking websurfers back to their shitty product (think knock-off herbal remedies and potentially harmful dieting schemes).  They call this Search Engine Maximization.

On one hand, great, someone found a way to create reliable internet search using scales of relevance.  That’s a novel and good idea in its inception, but I should inform you that this method being adopted by the internet community at large is not only criminal, but largely developed by people who knew they could sell ten tons of crap placebocuticals to nimrods slapping their mice all over the global commerce control buttons; wontonly ordering BOXES OF THEIR OWN MENTAL WASTE.

While some of the linked examples are simply funny, the others speak a horrible truth about our culture.  For example, did you see the one about the person who just sold “antenna balls” online and made f’ing millions?  What people don’t know is that there is an entire digital mechanism driving this e-commerce (as business people like to think of it) that is hell bent on getting your Doritos scarfing ass to fork over your small amounts of money until you have mountains of garbage to add to the already terrible garbage problem we HAVE NOT ADEQUATELY ADDRESSED!

Jiftus Rhithalixe.

today i die

i am leaving.  Whoops!  I’m back.  Shit, that was fast.  Did I already write this?

this is confusing.  there’s no joy to be had in time.  we must run from it.  if we adapt our bodies to night/day, light/dark chaos it could possibly save the species.  we must adapt our enjoyments or risk losing enjoyment as a motivator.  human creativity is suffocating itself to death, we must fight soon.  time is a motherfucker not to be trifled with, but, how did it get this power?  i smell an oppressor.  i’ll be first and zealous in the slaying of the defenders of time.   defenders of quantity and measurement.  they are the evilest, vilest and most sinister lot, those, while they undo our creative instinct, molding it with time.

fight this bullshit oppressor however you can.  write fiction on office time.  have everyone on your block get night jobs and have bar b-ques after work at 7am.  get a tivo.  sell your tivo.  make your own bread.  spazz out about nothing in the most loving way you can and then hide in the bathroom.  find peace in rejecting zen.  make samyama on the mundane.

Most important, give yourself a chance.

back to school

Don’t read this if you’re not a voyeur, it’s going to be very uninteresting and journal-ish.  I may just be documenting this for my own decompression’s sake.

Mondays are going to be very tough for the next 13 weeks.  I learned that today.  I (should) get up at 6:45, work until 2:30, go to classes from 3-8:30, and then brave the bus or take the not-so-scenic 40 minute walk home.  I chose walking.  Now I am finally relaxed in my ‘fort’ with a glass of wine and some herbal platitude feeling the desire to write but not necessarily have to think about it.  I figured imnotme was the place to do just that.

So, this semester I am taking Intro To Writing Fiction and Asian Philosophy.  Both conceptual walks in the park, though I have been additionally blessed by two extroardinarily competent instructors who are also both gifted facilitators and lectors.  This, of course, translates into more challenging work, and more challenging work.  Not what I had hoped from the course titles.  I figured I could doodle my way to a 4.0 for the term.

Oh well.  A. and I have been living in the aforementioned ‘fort’, which is our office turned snuggle-pen via streaming netflix movies on my computer aimed at the bed that was not always in the middle of our office.  It’s a cramped, but cozy place.  So cozy we even watched 2 seasons of Family Ties.  And liked it.  This is also the only room in our ginormous apartment that has air-conditioning, which neither of us are huge proponents of, though it’s aided the desperate-crack-addict appetite we’ve had for fits of snuggling and various other pillow-and-blanket oriented tasks.

Getting high does improve both my writing, and my reading.  I’m sure of it.  Hehe.

I’m going to abandoned this now and go let my friend in the house.

nudism

So, I hardly remember writing the post I made last night, but I must say… damn.  I feel like I taught myself something that I’m still learning.  Which brings me to nakedness.  I quoted Thoreau in my last post in regards to clothing, and it wasn’t until I reread the post in its entirety that I fully understood why I had.

Technology as I am referring to it here is akin to clothing in the following sense: that technology necessarily manipulates nature to an effect.

With this definition, and I believe it is a reasonable one, we can promptly draw a line between nature and creativity.  It is almost as though our one natural human gift (creativity) is also possibly our foreseeable demise, for with creativity comes manipulation, and manipulation always compromises that which has been changed.  Therefore, we are destroying the earth because our creativity has lead us to manipulate nature (via industrial uses of wood, livestock herding and agriculture, among others) to attain a perceived value, but it has always been a wasteful pursuit that has introduced to us the most complex pyramid scheme ever conceived of.

The same applies, I think, to “true” nudism.  I can see it now, as I have never seen it before, as a regression to uncomplicated interaction.  Let’s remove the artifacts of our achievements and just be naked humans who display outwardly nothing more than our own bodies, and let our discourse and cooperation make our bond.

naughty game for two

I recently got up the nerve to make a trip to a local consumer friendly sex shop.  if you are from the minneapolis area you would be glad to know The Smitten Kitten sells only non-toxic, chemically-safe toys, oils, etc.  the staff are courteous and highly knowledgeable about their products though on my specific trip I did pull the “just browsing” maneuver to ease my own shyness.  after about an hour and a half I had finally decided on a few things, however, one of them in particular has been a rave success.  

 

it’s a game called Discover Your Lover and can be purchased in the Smitten Kitten or elsewhere online (although Smitten does sell most of its toys, etc., online as well).  

 

I don’t know where to begin.  My first impression was that it was going to be a trivia game until I flipped the box over and read on the back that there would be “tasks.”  hmmm, I thought, just how comfortable am I with having a game tell me what to do to my partner?  anyway, on a whim I dropped the cash for it and the other elicit items and went on my discreetly plain white packaged way.  i left the bag in the livingroom as a surprise for A. who I suspected would be more than welcoming of the new additions to our bedroom (score!) and waited for her to come home.  the reaction was perfect as I watched her in both embarrassment and obvious thrill open and investigate each item.  the first thing we explored was the game.  we set up the cards and timers, and puzzled over how the thing is actually played.  it turns out that the game is easy enough to play once you use common sense as to who is asking who what question on what turn and responsible for what task (really, it shouldn’t have been as confusing as it was, I blame the red wine).  

 

then, the moment of truth, the first dice roll.  A. gets a two and lands on an “Intimate Question.”  You see, there are three different types of questions in the game: easy general sex questions, difficult general sex questions, and Intimate Questions which are directly specific to you and your partner (this is the part of the game that I recommend only to solid couples who have a high level of trust and security established).  the intimate questions are fun because they can stand to really put you on the line by either having to confess something, or by not knowing the answer to a question about your partner.  they run the gamut from cheesy/easy to inventive and eye opening.  

after a few turns you begin to hit the task spots on the board.  we both looked on nervously as I drew the first one (they start out easy) “in 30 seconds tell your partner why you love them” sounds lame right?  WRONG.  30 seconds is not a lot of time, and your partner decides if you pass, so if you half ass it your mast is blast! ? … !?  no, really though, the game was well though out.  after a few more turns answering questions and performing easy tasks–that generally did not require the removal of clothing–we hit the mediums.  These ranged anywhere from “make out with your partner for a minimum of 180 seconds (there are timers), if either party loses interest you lose” to “take off your partner’s underwear with your teeth.”  now, i’m leaving a bunch out but only because, well, that’s just private, but it gets hotter and heavier than i could really even do justice to.  well, ok, for example; in the process of playing the first time we discovered that A. has a new place to stimulate, masturbating with a blindfold on is very difficult, and it sucks to have the time run out on certain tasks 😉  get the picture?  good.  oh, also, shower beforehand.  tmi?  lol.     

i bought this game a couple of weeks ago and we’ve played three times.  though rewarding, it is also very intense and therefore taxing, and we’ve reserved it for special times.  each time has been a unique experience in its own way and i dare say, i didn’t buy this game because our sex life was lacking, i bought it for fun.  the result is that now our sex life is even less not lacking than before.  a simple old fashioned non-digital game made by strangers can really bring you closer.  

you know, writing about it just makes me want to play it.  or maybe the quiche i just made is an accidental aphrodisiac.  i am good in the kitchen…

body smells

I’m obsessed with them, if they’re mine.  If they’re yours (unless you’re A) keep them to yourself.  I like the smell of my own armpits, whatever it is that collects under my fingernails, my own farts, and yes, if my fingers smell like crotch I will smell them all day long.  

Maybe saying that I like these smells is going too far.  I can agree that they are probably ‘gross’ in some capacity, it they weren’t I wouldn’t be so anti smelling others, but I am simply compelled beyond animal instinct to smell my body and its many amazing odors.  

You’re welcome.

you’re an idiot and here’s the proof

Penis.

that is all I have to say, but more people will read this than the brilliant zoo trilogy I finished yesterday.

Penis.

Still reading? Because, that is really all I am going to divulge here and now. Not a sentence, thought, concept, puzzle or dilemma…. just a word.

Penis.

You’re so hungry for the next time I say it. It’s so naughty!

Penis.

OOOOHHH You didn’t!! Don’t say that word.

Penis.

OH my fucking god are you still reading this??

Penis.

Yes, yes you are, and for the simple fact that the word may be written again:

Penis.

Well, you knew it would, and this is the proof that you are a fucking idiot.

Penis.

Ok, maybe you just find this entertaining, but if you’re that smart, you should also know that I am just going to say it again.

Penis.

Dumbass!

Penis.

And somehow people want to deny that we live in a phallocentric society.

Penis.

I’m not even done writing it and it’s my most viewed post!!

Penis.

I can already taste the fame.

Penis.

his blog was so brilliant.

Penis.

He was willing to go right to the edge and step over it.

Penis.

YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER READ IT IF I HAD BEEN SAYING:

Vagina.

Right, like anyone cares about vaginas in any context not relating to a

Penis.

pbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtptbpbt